Standing on the edge, looking down past my feet. I can hardly see the valley floor through the fog...or are they clouds? So far down. I know that I need to step out, but onto what? I’m on a cliff; the next step will surely be my death. My knees are quaking. My heart is pounding. I wipe the sweat off of my forehead. This is insane. Who simply steps off of a cliff? I’m torn between this fear in my head and the Voice I hear in my heart, telling me to take the step, to trust. No bungee cord, no safety net; just me on a cliff. Or is it?
I struggle with trusting God. I have a hard time giving up “control,” or what I think is control, over my life. How can I trust Someone with MY life? How can I know absolutely for sure that when I step off of that cliff, He won’t let me fall?
When I was younger I was terrified of heights. I took swimming lessons when I was about seven, and I was ok with it until we had to jump off the diving board. The instructor was nearby to watch over us, but I was still scared. She swam to the edge of the board with her official lifeguard floaty, ready to catch me. I still stood there, legs shaking, terribly ashamed of myself yet more afraid of jumping. In the end I had to be lowered down to her. I was traumatized. I’m better about heights now, but I’m still not a fan of cliffs. I take one look down and I see all these images of myself falling head first and of all the damage it would do to me--not that it would matter if I didn’t survive the fall. I’ve always been quick to think of the worst that could happen.
Needless to say, I don’t want to jump off of a cliff. Since my trauma as a child I have successfully gone off the diving board, and even the high-dive (go me!). Feet first, of course. I’ll leave diving to the professionals.
This fear translates over to other aspects of my life, too. I’m afraid to step out of my comfort zone because I’m afraid to lose control. Afraid that I’ll fall flat on my face. I’m afraid, and I often give in to the fear. In these situations I am not the one who is in control, as I like to think; the fear has me in a choke hold, dragging me down. I’m not only staying in my comfort zone, I’m also bending in slavery to fear--by my own choice.
Why be enslaved to fear? Why live life afraid to really live it? Why am I afraid to trust God? I fear because I don’t believe that He is who He is, and I don’t accept the reality of what He has done for me. If I fully accepted this Truth, and it is truth, then I would have no reason to be afraid. God is faithful (2 Tim. 2:13). He is good (Psalm 145:9). He is trustworthy (Psalm 111:7). He is love (1 John 4:16). If God calls me to do something, He will be with me and help me do it. “Being confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). He created you and I. He didn’t throw us on earth saying, Stay here, live life and work hard to please me. See ya!
No. The book of Joshua in the Bible records the history of the Israelites after Moses’ death and their entrance to the promised land. Right after Moses died, God says to Joshua, Now you lead. Yikes, he must have been intimidated! Yet God also says to him in Joshua 1:5 & 9, “I will never leave you nor forsake you... Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” God was indeed with Him. By His command the Israelites marched around the city of Jericho, looking like fools, but God was faithful and broke the wall by His might. He asked Joshua and the people to do something very unconventional...most would say plain stupid. Risking their reputations, they trusted in the Lord. They decided to put their hope in this One who proved Himself faithful in the past. He did not let them down.
God may ask me to do something that is ridiculous. He may (and will!) ask me to risk my reputation. He will test me. Who is god of my life? Do I believe that God is who He says He is, or am I following something or someone else? Is a “cool” status my idol? Do I fear the opinions of people over God’s opinion? These things are easy to talk about, but walking that talk is a whole other story. When push comes to shove, when the rubber meets the road, when it comes right down to it (shall I go on?), what do I believe? Who do I live for?
I was made to live for God, to love Him with all my heart, soul, and mind, and to love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:37&38). Only by living for Him will my life, my purpose be fulfilled. I must live for Him. I must accept His love wholeheartedly so that I can turn around and give it all back to Him. Or I can continue to live in fear and “comfort.” I can ignore God’s call and be a “Christian” on Sundays, yet hide behind a mask the rest of the week. I could. Except that it isn’t worth it. It does not fulfill my life. I remain in the pit of my selfishness and fears, blinded to those around me who need True Life just as much as I do.
I pray that God will show me how to live for him. I pray that He will cast away this fear and doubt that plagues my mind and fill me with love and truth. I pray this for you, as well. God loves you, and He will never leave you nor forsake you. God is faithful.
Romans 8:28-33
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.
What shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all-how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
8:38
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Always remember that we aren’t alone; God is faithful. He will lift us up on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31), and, “He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone” (Psalm 91:11&12).
Are we ready to go cliff diving?
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